Hello all, I am not sure what style of writing this is, but I had an outburst of emotions and decided to write down what I am thinking right now. Apologies for the weird posts lately, I have just not really had anything I wanted to write strongly about and I’ve also had a loss of motivation (which is something I feel like I say every single time I come back to write). Also, this is the first post where I directly address someone instead of vaguely write about them which is a bit strange for me. So here I go, I guess.
Listen up, mom and dad.
I know you are my parents, and I know you are older and more mature and more experienced but
Who are you to tell me what is and is not a waste of time? Who are you to tell me that I have not changed my ways, and who are you to tell me that I went through 4 years of high school for nothing, when you have not been here to emotionally support me throughout the process? Who are you to say anything about me when you can’t even tell me what my likes and dislikes and favorites are?
You know, I’ve been struggling these past few weeks. I’ve been struggling much more than I have ever struggled in the past 5 years that we have had this toxic relationship, and I don’t think you realize that I am 17 years old and I am aware of who I am. I am aware of what I enjoy, who I enjoy being around, who I should not be around, and most importantly, what kind of person I want to be. I have been maturing quietly through different experiences with different people that I would not have experienced if I had listened to everything you had told me to do, and now that I am almost off to go to college, thanks to both of you, all that has been growing inside of me is fear and self doubt. Fear and self doubt. Fear of failing and being in a world that you made sound so scary, and doubt of my intelligence and ability to succeed in whatever I do. Where used to be a wobbly but present foundation has now been broken.
Listen up, mom and dad. I would have really appreciated your support. I would have really appreciated genuine kindness and unconditional love. But it’s too late. And I’m panicking.